These are my ideas.
and all I can do is watch them crumble
and fall through my fingers.
Every thought cascades downward
as it explodes catastrophically
Why is everything shaking?
Dark clouds gather
Every raindrop stings in its own violent way.
It becomes a torrential downpour.
The storm in my mind leaks out my eyes.
All I can hear are the bombs dropping
Make it stop. Make it stop.
Why am I chocking?
I curl into a ball
I am paralyzed,
convinced that the horrific screams
will never leave.
The screaming slows
The rumbles lessen
And through my tears
I see a beautiful ray of sunlight illuminating
that used to my sanity
I see what has become of my imagination
This was my save-haven
This was my castle
Now I sit in a pile of soggy rubble
Every beautiful thing
torn and muddled
All the color slowly muddied into brown
like a rain-soaked coloring book.
I'm not strong enough to rebuild
Not when I know
the storm will return
and drain my world of color.
Make it stop.
Please, make it stop.
I wrote this to describe anxiety. The pain that can stem from our thoughts is very real and very painful. Please be respectful.
I get panic attacks, and this is really how I feel sometimes.
Its difficult. Its very difficult sometimes. But sometimes just getting it out helps. Sending love you way <3
I read this a few times and it made me cry each time. You really capture the pain of it all crashing down, and the fear of it happening again. The imagery is very powerful, specially as it builds towards the end.
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I wanted to write it all out, everything I felt. Some of the worst pain we experience comes from our thoughts. The worst part about anxiety is not being able to run away from them. You can't flee from what is inside of your head. But we can always rebuild. Always. Though its never quite the same.